I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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