I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
