I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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