I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
