Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
