you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
