so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
