Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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