Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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