I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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