Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
