ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
