two words...techno handjob
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize