your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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