i think my mom watched the whole time
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
