I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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