I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
