I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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