I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
