Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
