Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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