Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
