you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
