We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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