i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
