Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
