Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize