listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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