dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You pole danced in your parka.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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