I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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