my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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