yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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