did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
