I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
