I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
