there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
