My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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