I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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