i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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