He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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