so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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