I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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