no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Watching her eat just hurts me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
