gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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