I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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