i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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