she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
