WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
