im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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