just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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