erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
