And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
