I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
