i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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