my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
