My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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