THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
