he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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