I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
