Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They took my balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
