dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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