I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wear drunk well.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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