beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
