Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
