i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
