I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
