This dress was meant to end up on your floor
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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