I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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