you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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